One of my reading resolutions was to get over my aversion to be marketed to, and instead actively help Amazon market to me, in the hope of improving my book selections. I started by rating my favourite books over the last few years of reading, and then checked to see what Amazon had for me in the way of recommendations…

Amazon: How about a maths book?

Me: What? Try again.

Amazon: Hmm. Here, have lots and lots and lots of murder-mysteries.

Me: Okay, I said I liked Dorothy L Sayers, but that’s because–

Amazon: All right, Agatha Christie.

Me: I’ve read Agatha Christie. I like Sayers because of the writing and the characters, not the murders–

Amazon: Elizabeth George. People say she writes like Sayers.

Me: Look, let’s switch to some fantasy recommendations, okay?

Amazon: Here, have a shitload of urban fantasy and vampire recommendations.

Me: Excuse me? Have I rated any urban fantasy or vampire books? Doesn’t that tell you something? Move on.

Amazon: What about this book by the same author of the book you just rated?

Me: But I gave that book 1 star exactly so you would know that I don’t want books like that one! Why would you give me books by the same author?

Amazon: Lah-lah-lah, I can’t hear you! Let’s see, you rated a few Terry Pratchett books. Here, have every single one of his books in every single possible format.

Me: No, I’ve read those already, give me something new.

Amazon: Fine, here, a bunch of YA books.

Me: Look, I’m impressed you picked up on Diana Wynne Jones unbidden, and I like the occasional YA, but not–

Amazon: Fussy. Here, what about The Hunger Games?

Me: Not bad! Already on my list. Anyone new?

Amazon: There’s no pleasing some people. Use of Weapons?

Me: You know, a human already recommended that one to me.

Amazon: I don’t know what you’re implying. The Domino Men?

Me: Amazing – I already bought it from my own bookstore browsing.

Amazon: Screw you, lady, have a bunch of boring literary novels, then, just for saying you like Peter Carey and Michael Chabon.

Me: Oh, I give u–

Amazon: Connie Willis?

Me: I’ve read Connie–

Amazon: New one? Coming in February?

Me: Ooh, I love you, Amazon.

Amazon: Shut up, baby, I know it. Maths book?

Me: Um…no.